The Digital Glue Podcast

EP 42 - Unlocking the Hidden Power of Connections!

November 02, 2021 Episode 42
The Digital Glue Podcast
EP 42 - Unlocking the Hidden Power of Connections!
Show Notes Transcript

“Courage starts by showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” – Brene Brown

 

Welcome to Episode 42: Unlocking The Hidden Power Of Connections! 
 

Let's be honest with ourselves for a moment ... Sometimes the word "networking" conjures images of uncomfortable schmooze-fests, where suit-clad business exec's work the room, wine glass in hand, feigned interest at the ready. 
 
 Networking (hard truth here) is a huge pain in the butt. Unless you’re an extrovert, then networking is a slice of chocolate cake.

But as an introvert, all the standing around, making awkward small talk while wearing a name tag, trying not to sweat, constantly drying your sticky hands, jumbling over your words while holding a napkin of cheese and crackers, and trying not to spill your liquid courage.

But networking and making REAL connections doesn't have to feel that bad as it’s simply about having conversations with people. Not about small, stuffy rooms where people are throwing their business cards at you before running off to the next person. It’s about sitting down with someone and chatting. Having normal, yet REAL human conversation.
 
Here's what we will be untangling in this episode ...

  • How to overcome the dread of networking (in-person)
  • 6 tips to move you from terrifying to liberating
  • The unraveled connection from shame, to courage, to vulnerability

 

Are you ready?
Pop in your awesome earbuds and let's dive in!

Let's be honest with ourselves for a moment ... Sometimes the word "networking" conjures images of uncomfortable schmooze-fests, where suit-clad business exec's work the room, wine glass in hand, feigned interest at the ready. (Even thinking about it gives me anxiety from time-to-time!) 

Who would enjoy that?

In today’s episode I’m not talking about mastering the art of conversation through your LinkedIn or Insta DMs. I’m referring to in-person or virtual events such as networking schmooze-fests, TedX events, workshops, masterclasses, and so on. 

That being said, the cold hard truth here, networking is a huge pain in the butt. 

Unless you’re an extrovert, then networking is a slice of chocolate cake.

But as an introvert, all the standing around, making awkward small talk while wearing a name tag, trying not to sweat, constantly drying your sticky hands, jumbling over your words while holding a napkin of cheese and crackers, and trying not to spill your liquid courage. Frankly, sometimes it just plain sucks! It’s tiring … It’s draining … It’s an all-around no-way jose!

But networking and making REAL connections doesn't have to feel that bad as it’s simply about having conversations with people. Not about small, stuffy rooms where people are throwing their business cards at you before running off to the next person. It’s about sitting down with someone and chatting. 

Having normal, yet REAL human conversations.

Instead of spiraling in the opposite direction and claiming that the art of networking is “dead”, pointless, and outdated, try to redefine the definition to reflect what it truly is: a way to go about solving a problem. Just found your aha! moment, didn’t yah?

Networking should always start with a goal. And having this goal clear and top of mind will then help you formulate a plan. Then once you have your goal and plan laid out, you will then be able to figure out who you need to know to help you achieve it. Plain and simple really.

In reality, no one attains success without the help of others. Even an introvert needs human connection in order to survive and thrive. And unfortunately, to all you introverts out there, this means sometimes placing yourself in uncomfortable situations or trying something you may have never tried before, in order to achieve your dreams and goals.

So, to overcome the dread of networking -- moving from terrifying to liberating -- all it takes is a little imagination and some simple tips to get you started ...


#1. RESEARCH THE PEOPLE YOU’LL BE MEETING.
 
Well, don’t socially stalk them online, but having some talking points will definitely put you at an advantage. And ease the anxiety behind awkward silences.  

#2. PRACTICE AND REHEARSE.
Just like you would for a presentation, speech, TEDTalk or workshop. This way you know how you’re going to present yourself without sounding robotic. The less “um’s” and “uh’s” the better and awkward pauses the better.  

#3. SHARE THE STRESS. BRING A FRIEND.
Not only to ease the loneliness but maybe you might know someone they don’t. Or vice-versa. Plus, it couldn’t hurt to have someone to talk to during “dead time”, so you don’t look alone and unapproachable.  

#4. KEEP THINGS SHORT N’ SIMPLE.
Introduce yourself. Discuss the talking points you pre-planned. Ask about them then move on to another introduction. This way the conversation will never go stale, and you don’t panic when you run out of things to talk about.  

#5. FOCUS ON YOUR STRENGTHS.
Now isn’t the time to hide your crazy awesome and whacky nerd abilities. Go ahead, toot your own horn a bit by bringing up your accomplishments and future goals to show everyone you have ambition and drive. 

#6. MAKE IT A GAME.
A few fun examples could be ... set a goal as simple as learning one new thing, meeting two new people, adding three people to your LinkedIn network, or giving your business card to four people.


 Networking isn’t merely the exchange of business cards and information with others. It’s about establishing and nurturing long-term, mutually beneficial relationships with the people. You don’t have to join several professional associations and attend every networking event that comes your way in order to be a successful networker. 
 In fact, if you take your eyes off your smartphone for just a second (or altogether) when you’re out in public, you will see that there are plenty networking opportunities are all around you every single day.

It’s never too late to invest in your network, thus investing in yourself and your business. The best way to simply improve your skill in this area and go from terrifying to liberating while overcoming networking dread is to put yourself out there. Truthfully, the worst thing you can do is not try at all.

And it all begins with being vulnerable …

And who knows more about this topic than Brene Brown, who shares …

“Courage starts by showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”


 From her ever so famous books, interviews, and TEDTalks, she discusses her research around shame, courage, and vulnerability. Trying to “unravel” the connection. Which is all quite fitting to the dreaded feeling of networking. We may feel shame, perhaps don’t have enough courage, and are utterly terrified to the bones to show our vulnerable side.

Let’s dive into this a bit further. 


 This is how Brene explain shame, and how it flows into vulnerability …

“The things I can tell you about it: It's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it, the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough" -- which, we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough. The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability. This idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.”
 

And Brene continues with this …
“And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so, I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out, I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it.” 


 So, what Brene learned through her many years in the field of this research, is that we tend to numb vulnerability -- this is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.  

And I really do strongly feel that this is where all this networking dread and fear stems from ... we’re afraid to let people see who we truly are. We can’t just walk up to someone, introduce ourselves, tell them what we do, how awesomely great our business is, then say, here's the bad stuff … here's vulnerability, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. Then move onto the next person -- rinse and repeat.

If we did that, we’d look like a crazy person. Word would float around the room, then perhaps even in emails and on social, then our business would really be in trouble. But not because you told the truth and laid yourself all out for everyone to see … the good, the bad, and the ugly … but because people don’t necessarily have the courage to be vulnerable. It’s a foreign concept to most. 

After attending way more events than I can even count, I think the best way to get over this fear is to think about what you have to offer. It doesn't matter if you have a business to promote or product to sell, you know things that other people don't. Your knowledge could be valuable to someone else.

If what you’re afraid of is coming across as overly network-y, stop worrying about what you can get out of being there, and start thinking about what you can give. Stop selling and start asking questions. It won't take long for you to find ways to help people, and your relationships will build naturally from there. Don’t let this fear stop you from building the necessary relationships you need to grow your business and help others.  

Building connections is the key to your success. 

So, even if you don't enjoy putting yourself out there, you can still be good at it. You just need to remind yourself that networking is just providing value. The business cards, the lunches and the evening cocktails are all formalities. 

If you can share something valuable with every person you meet, you'll be well on your way to fearlessly building your network, one conversation at a time.